Feedback on Hazel Bech's talk on seeking a better life - work balance

For a change, we found ourselves in the unusual surroundings of the Point Conference Centre. As we gathered to hear Hazel Bech, was there a message for us in the "minimalist" décor and simplicity of this large meeting room?...

Hazel Bech is a chartered occupational psychologist with Champfleurie Consultants who specialise in performance improvement. If you would like a full PowerPoint presentation on this topic from Hazel, go to her website: http://www.champfleurie.co.uk and use the email address there to ask her for it. Meantime, you may also like to read on our own website the extensive notes from her talk at Standard Life a couple of years back - click here and then click on the Gallup Organisation's Q12 checklist in red at the top of the page.

Here first is one person's report on the talk at the Point:

Hazel invited us to do a questionnaire in our heads to ascertain whether we were over the line on work-life balance. Long hours, she then pointed out, not only affect our relationships in general - they have an adverse effect on our sex life and on the quality of relationships with our children in particular.

We live at a time when there has been a significant rise in our economic standard of living but not in our quality of life. This rise has come at significant social, personal and environmental cost.

Take the amount of time fathers today are spending with their children. Research has been done showing fathers estimate they are spending on average 40 minutes of meaningful quality time per day with their children. Further research on this topic has been done, using e.g. hidden cameras. The result? Fathers have been kidding themselves: they spend on average 8 minutes on this!

We imagine doctors and lawyers to be fairly happy, fulfilled members of society. Wrong. Unhappiness is high among them.

Yes, we need to do a fresh audit of our perceptions. We are frankly trying to do too much, leaving little time to cultivate relationships, enjoy nature or explore who God may be. We are driven people, prey to "hurry sickness". Even our holidays are being encroached on by emails and mobile phone calls.

So what to do?! We can take steps to slow down and relax. This does not necessarily mean changing our goals: we can retain them, but at the same time slow down and actually enjoy the process of attaining them.

We can build time into our day just to be [as someone has once said, to be human beings, not human doings!] We can take time out for physical relaxation or to listen to music or to contemplate beautiful art or to give God some space in our life.

It is possible to over-identify with our work, with our office or company, to the detriment of identifying with our nearest and dearest. Thanks to good continuous personal development at work, we can understand our own and colleagues' strengths and weaknesses better. But how sad if we transfer these work skills into the family setting. How sad if we transfer our competitive work culture into our children's sports activities. [Witness recent efforts by leading head teachers in Edinburgh to remind parents "it's only a game" - for parents' behaviour was becoming over-intense at inter-school rugby matches…]

We can try to live at peace with ourselves, and therefore with our nearest and dearest. For a start: where do we "waste" energy?

• by talking about and dwelling on the past ["Forget vain regrets," a mentor once told me.]
• by holding on to anxiety, regret or pain
• by "being dishonest to ourselves", e.g. holding on to anger and resentment [when "there but for the grace of God"… Yes, we can hold things against people when we ourselves have perhaps shown just as many shortcomings as they have]
• by complaining and blaming; we need to rein in our responses/reactions and choose to respond/react differently
• by hanging onto negative reactions and emotions; we need to face what we have been harbouring, deal with it in some kind of positive way, and move on.

Next, we can aspire to something we don't hear much about: experiencing joy! [Hazel, who became a Christian 7 years ago, here quoted the words of Jesus from John's Gospel: "I came that they may have life, life in all its fullness"]

Furthermore, we can simplify our life. We needn't give in to societal pressures, e.g. to spend, acquire, show off. Being is more important than having. Our children love us more for the time we dedicate to them than for the designer clothes we may buy for them.

How to get started on the track to a better life-work balance? We can begin by realising we have far more freedom of choice and response/reaction then we think we have. We can own/re-own our life and recapture time, budgeting for and seizing time for what we really want to be doing.

A practical way forward is to sit down and list the 10 things we enjoy most, then to list the 10 things we spend most of our time on, and then to just look at the two lists…

Hazel mentioned a helpful book: Gordon Macdonald "Ordering your Private World". She ended by quoting a Japanese writer, Tokio Megishe - you can guess where he got his original inspiration from:-

"The Lord is my pacesetter - I shall not rush.
He makes me stop for quiet intervals,
He provides me with images of stillness, which restore my serenity,
He leads me in ways of efficiency through calmness of mind,
And his guidance is peace.
Even though I have a great many things to accomplish each day,
I will not fret,
For his presence is here,
His timelessness, his all-importance, will keep me in balance.
He prepares refreshment and renewal in the midst of my activity,
By anointing my mind with his oils of tranquillity.
My cup of joyous energy overflows.
Truly harmony and effectiveness shall be the fruits of my hours,
For I shall walk in the pace of my Lord
And dwell in his house forever."

Here are quotes from people who attended the talk:

C of Jobcentre Plus:

"Hazel's talk was a useful reminder that the key to a successful work/life balance lies in our own hands: it's really just a question of taking a fresh look at how we spend our time and giving more weight to the important things in life."

S of The City of Edinburgh Council:

"Seeing, speaking and listening to people in the private sector discussing issues of life - work balance was thought-provoking, and reminded us in the sector I work in that this matter is not confined to any particular part of office or business population. Whether in the public or private sector, we face the same challenges."

G who works for a leading accountancy firm:

"What I took away from the talk was the importance to both my family and myself of trying to achieve a better life-work balance, and another thought was ...the need to experience joy."

A team from one of the hotels in the area:

"We thought that the presentation was as it were an investment of time in order to 'create time' - such that we will be more productive and energised in the future."

C of Martin Currie:

"I felt the work/life balance talk raised some very valid points and themes familiar to us all; what made this different was learning how to recognise problem areas from our own behaviour and resolving these using the suggested tools and further reading. I look forward to the next seminar."

And, finally, a quip sent in by a lawyer friend:

"Did you hear about the guy who couldn't get to the talk on work/life balance because he had too much to do?"

Hope that gave you a laugh.

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